Antagonistic Relational Stress/ Narcissistic Abuse (ARS/ NA)

Antagonistic Relational Stress is a pervasive and insidious experience where symptoms occur as a result of being in relationship with someone with an antagonistic personality style. This can happen with a spouse or partner, parent(s), a boss, friend or anywhere significant relationships occur.

People with antagonistic personality styles demonstrate:

Dismissiveness

Lack of Empathy

Contempt for others

Invalidation

Feelings of chronic unfounded victimization

Control

Egocentricity

A very high need for admiration and validation

Minimization

Shifting Masks

Domination

Projection of their own shame

Manipulation (including gaslighting)

Grandiosity

Entitlement

Exploitativeness

Rage

A high emotional reactivity (difficulty regulating emotions)

This interactional style can leave lasting scars on the partner, child, coworker, etc. who is in relationship with this person. Whether in romantic relationships, familial dynamics, or professional environments, the impact of Antagonistic Relational Stress can be profound, affecting every aspect of an individual's life. Dr. Ramani Durvasula PhD., a pioneer in the realm of ARS, describes the effects of being in relationship with an antagonistic personality style in the following categories:

Thoughts and Beliefs:

Rumination, regret, only recollecting the “good stuff”, helplessness, hopelessness, powerlessness, confusion, perfectionism, guilt.

How You Experience Yourself in the World:

Loneliness, difficulties with trust, isolation, shame.

Severe Stress Responses:

Flashbacks, hypervigilence, hyperarousal, difficulty concentrating, dissociating through numbing.

Your Sense of Self and Responsibility:

Fear of being alone, self-doubt, self-devaluation, self-blame, self-loathing.

Your emotions:

Depression, grief, irritability, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, apathy, amotivation, anhedonia (no joy or pleasure).

Things you do to manage the relationship:

Appeasing, reassuring, apologizing, self-monitoring, self-denial.

The ways this relationship affects your health:

Sleep difficulties, physical health issues, self-care deficits, fatigue/ exhaustion, maladaptive coping.

“It’s Not You”

Dr. Ramani Durvasula